The Satirical Retrospective 2024

This is still from December 23, but it's too good not to be mentioned here: Christoph Blocher calls for a facilitator for cross-party talks, preferably from outside politics. From the article in the Tagesanzeiger: “A person with authority, someone who understands Switzerland.” “He names Fritz Gerber, the former CEO and Chairman of the Board of Directors of Roche who died in 2020, as an example.” I don't know what your experiences are, but in my view a corpse at the table doesn't exactly help to enliven discussions.

Shamanism plays an important role in many cultures. Whether it should be imported into Switzerland can be seen one way or the other. But this? From the Sonntagszeitung newspaper of April 7: “Shaman Werthmüller [sounds a bit bizarre, doesn't it?] learned an approach with many teachings of the indigenous Andean peoples at the online academy ‘Four Winds’ - she never had to be present on site.” Perhaps someone should explain to the shamans in the Andes that you can simply get certified with less effort...

On April 23, the Tagi reported on sensors woven into textiles and a corresponding app. For example, you can use the app to let a “gentle female voice” lull you to sleep and “then switch off your smartphone and check in the morning how well you have recovered [emphasis mine]... In the morning, you can read in detail on your smartphone how long it took you to fall asleep, how your heart rate and breathing changed during sleep, how deep your sleep was and even how often you changed position and how long you lay on your stomach, back or side.” So I wake up in the morning and instead of asking myself, I should ask the app how well rested I am - by starting the day with statistics. As for me personally: I'd rather have a muesli.

June 23, Interview with Mario Irmiger on the use of McKinsey in the restructuring of Migros. The journalist quotes Irmiger the figure of four million per month for the consultants, put forward by the NZZ. Answer: “The monthly fee is massively lower. We spend 500,000 to 700,000 francs a month for McKinsey.” Oh yes, if it's only that. I think I urgently need to rethink my pricing model.

Then there were all kinds of funny headlines:

  • “Researcher seeks children for new pesticide study”. After this announcement, they'll probably have to hunt them down... Get your little girl to safety.
  • “Experience Scotland with the Basel Symphony Orchestra.” But I don't have to share a hotel room with them, do I? And anyway, does that go with all the bagpipes?
  • “12 minutes a day change your life”. Yes, we'd like that. But I don't think so.
  • “Summer Black Friday in Switzerland”. We're just waiting for the fall Easter...
  • “The best rules of life. Don't despair: simple answers to complicated questions.” Sells well, works splendidly in election campaigns – but still remains nonsense.

Which leads smoothly on to Albert Rösti: during a discussion about measures to preserve biodiversity, he said that he doesn't see any fewer butterflies on his walks than he used to. If this is the level at which he thinks about complex issues, then hope probably lies elsewhere.

And last but not least, we are of course delighted to hear that the fighter jets ordered by Switzerland are now allowed to fly in thunderstorms after all and are not in danger of exploding if struck by lightning...quality goods made in the USA, I tell you. 

Happy New Year!

tilted snow?...zoom
 
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